Feels and fears

I felt it before

I fear it before

Now it's happening,

That we're ending

To lose you is hard,

I should lose the feeling

But I can't discard

To fake a feeling

I have feelings, negative feelings

I fear the day to have these feelings

You gave it to me

Now, I forgot to feel a happy me

Because you were a part of my life 

I planned most of it with you

Because I thought you and I are for life

I planned most of it for you.

I want to be out

I want to cut you out

It's bitter,

But it feels better.

Better but not happier

My life without you may be a blur

But I can't stay like this no more

I have to be strong and be more

To forget is hard

But I can't disregard

That you were once with me

But now I have to move on to save me.

-crischelleA.

20 Facts About Me

For some reason I have been tagged by 3 friends on Instagram to do this, though I want to do it even though people don't give a f*ck, I don't like typing too much on my phone. 

Donna @ 19

Krista @ 19

Workaholism

"Workaholics see work as a way to distance themselves from unwanted feelings and relationships."

I've been answering personality tests the past week and I got a very accurate scientific description of myself, making me see what I really am and what I can do. But it also said that I can be arrogant, in a way that I can be smart and arrogant at the same time. Yes, people will turn to you but when you turn your back at them they could put blades on you. I always though it might be jealousy, but now I know I'm arrogant and an immediate remedy for it is necessary.

I'm a workaholic. The web made me realize the difference between a hard worker than a workaholic. I get excited with new responsibilities that I shouldn't be. My family and friends became my second priority. I thought I was doing work because I want them to be proud of me, but they're the one that made me realize that work changes me and it might make me worse. i need to prevent it and make my family and friends first in my priority as always.

"Family-Duty-Honor" -Game of Thrones

I must admit that I hate feelings and emotions. But maybe I'm just giving myself a reason for people to go. I don't trust myself attached to someone, because I have the anxiety that one day I gave him a reason to leave. That one day, I'll be mourning because I didn't win the break-up and I let him walk away instead of me leaving first. I know how competitive I can be. 

These unwanted feelings and relationships are one of my fantasies. I live in a fantasy where there's only hope of being happy. Work is the only reality for now, as well as family and friends. Quality time with family and friends is better than being with someone indefinitely. So for now I have a new list of priorities. These are: (1)Quality time with family and friends, (2)Duty, (3)Honor, (4)Making my family and friends proud, (5)Making myself proud, and (6)My quality time.

-crischelleA

Ramilo at 19 (From strangers to best friends)

Net @ 18

Hindi ako marunong ng maikling message. 



"Success is nothing if you have no one to share it with." But life wouldn't be a success if you don't have someone to share your downfalls and still accepts you despite your mistakes. How lucky am I to have someone to share my ups and downs. Someone to accept my faults and mistakes. Someone to lecture me about how my lie should be. Someone I can rant with and still know what's the right thing to say after. Someone who would say that "if your happy you're doing the right thing."

I want to make this a thesis type of work, but I can't get pass the statement of the problem because I can't think of any problem from her. She's pretty, pretty awesome, pretty inside and out so people have no problems getting along with her. The truth is think I was your problem; 

• I lost track of our traditional "Goodmorning B" texts. 
• I don't have time to communicate with her.
• I became too focus on what's on my plate and forget that there's more to think and focus on.
• I got jealous, affected, and paranoid that I thought I might someday lose her.
• I was a shithead always thinking for myself.
• I was not there to comfort her when she needed me. 
• I'm too busy with work.

With that said I'm sorry. For all the shit I have done and may do in the future.
I'm not the perfect best friend who can do cheesy efforts to surprise someone. But somehow I'm blessed to have a best friend who would still accept me with that I know for me she's perfect. 

For everything that she has done for me. A simple thank you would be necessary. Thank you for always being thoughtful, supportive, happy for me, push me to my limits, making me happy, smiling and laughing at my jokes, accepting, loving, caring, and etc. And thank you or just being simply the best. The best friend that everyone of your friends know. But for me your not just my best friend your also my family. And families STICK TOGETHER. Thank you for always sticking with me for 10 years though we may have hit a rough patch back then I never regret what happened after that, because what we had then grew bigger now. I can't thank God enough for he gave me a sister from another mother. 

  

 

 

"It's not about the similarities that we share, it's about our differences that made our bond stronger."

Happy Birthday B. Love you. To be continued... (may hard copy pa kasi)